Divorced desperate and dating
Consequently, there's always a greater pressure to be the perfect parent, both as form of compensation and a way of assuaging your guilt.
What I've discovered is that the problem is not so much with Dexter, but with the baggage of guilt and my desperate and doomed attempt to be Superdad.
I think neither Dexter nor I have fully come to terms with the aftereffects of divorce.I also pick him up and take him to school twice a week, but really we just have 48 hours of quality dad-son time together each week. He's a wonderful boy, but when he utters those three words my wonderful boy becomes a cruel little monster. Sometimes he will demand Mummy and an hour later he has forgotten all about her. He won't stop calling for his mum, and for me to go away. Don't all little boys want to be with their dads and wrestle and play football and have fun? I've tried talking to him and it usually goes something like this. How could I tell him that I wished more than anything I could do just that, but it was impossible? But I do because I feel I have been rejected by his mother and now I'm being rejected by my son, and that's an agonising double rejection.And when I say no, he becomes verbally abusive or breaks down in tears. Dexter has always been closer to his mother than me. Having been married before with a son, who is now 24, I knew all about the special bond that exists between mother and child (especially a boy); it's one that a father can never quite match.And now we are devouring skyscraper icecream whips with double chocolate flakes. It comes without warning and always leaves me an emotional wreck. nd when Dexter wins and I take him home and return to an empty, Dexter-less weekend, so the self-recrimination begins. What's a dad supposed to do when faced with the battle cry of 'I want Mummy'? I'm in my 50s and still haven't figured out myself what really happened to his mother and me - so how could I make him understand?Ever since my divorce in 2008, Dexter has spent his weekends with me. If only I had been a better dad he wouldn't want to be with his mum; he'd want to me with me. All the online child experts advise you to try 'talking and listening' to your child. I thought that since he never asked me about it, it wasn't on his mind - but I realised he was hiding his feelings when he said to me just a couple of weeks ago: 'Daddy, I wish you lived with us.' I froze and went silent.